By tf-lawyer.com Cindy Wu, originally from Miaoli, Taiwan, has embraced her journey as a single mother by choice through the help of IVF, bringing into the world two mixed-race children: 3-year-old Desi and 10-month-old Vince. As she takes them out, they often receive compliments about their cuteness, but the next question usually is, “Where’s their dad?”
“I initially responded seriously, explaining they don’t have a dad, which usually made people awkward, as if they felt they had crossed a line,” she recalls. “Eventually, I began saying, ‘My donor is American.’”
Cindy has created a Facebook fan page called “Single Parent by Choice,” where she shares her IVF journey, detailing how she transitioned from being a hopeful mother to successfully building a single-parent family through both pregnancy and surrogacy.
Like many modern career women, Cindy felt the inevitable pressure of her biological clock ticking down her prime fertility years. Difficulties in her romantic journey only intensified her desire for children, leading her to explore options as the tech industry began to prioritize women’s rights. While still at NVIDIA, Cindy took advantage of a company benefit to freeze her eggs for free. A recommendation from a friend prompted her to join a group for volunteer single mothers, which proved empowering. “I realized that the thing I wanted most in life didn’t need to depend on another person. That was incredibly powerful.”
The real push to take that first step toward single motherhood came from a male colleague at Google. Shortly after starting as a project manager, he excitedly shared his plans for parenthood through an egg donor and surrogate. His journey transformed Cindy’s doubts about her demanding job into clarity: “If he can do it, so can I.”
When it came to selecting a sperm donor, Cindy didn’t focus on looks or height. Rather, she prioritized health and education, ultimately choosing a white American donor to give her children a cultural diversity reflective of her own. After undergoing two rounds of egg retrieval and fertilization, she was fortunate to receive high-quality embryos, among which her desired girl embryo became Desi, with the second embryo resulting in Vince.
Cindy’s conservative family initially held traditional views about marriage and motherhood, emphasizing that marriage’s main purpose is to have children. However, they quickly became her staunch supporters, excited to learn that technology now allows a woman to have kids without marriage. “They were thrilled to know that science had advanced so much,” she shares. “They became my cheerleaders throughout the IVF process.”
While the embryo transfer process went smoothly, the real challenge began with pregnancy. Cindy vividly recalls the difficulties: severe anemia made it hard for her to stand for more than ten seconds at a time, and she experienced noticeable swelling that altered her once-svelte legs. After enduring the challenging pregnancy, a urinary tract infection escalated to bacteremia, which the doctors caught just in time.
Desi was born in Taiwan, thriving with the support of Cindy and her family, becoming fluent in Mandarin and even singing Taiwanese songs. This joyful experience sparked Cindy’s desire for a second child, but the painful memories of pregnancy led her to explore surrogacy. However, she quickly realized the costs associated with agencies—encompassing fees for everything from medical care to insurance—could be exorbitant. Despite the challenges, Cindy decided to find an independent surrogate on her own, leveraging her research skills to save nearly $50,000 in agency fees.
Cindy’s surrogate, Choua Wu, came from a local mothers’ group. They hit it off instantly, and Choua expressed her enjoyment of being pregnant as a reason for becoming a surrogate. During the birthing process, Cindy was invited into the delivery room, where she cut Vince’s umbilical cord and heard his first cries. They maintain regular contact, and Cindy hopes that when she moves back to California, Choua’s family will become part of hers.
Since launching her fan page dedicated to sharing her experiences, Cindy has produced well-received short videos outlining the lessons learned throughout her IVF journey. “Some viewers have told me that watching my 10-minute video was more informative than the 40 hours they spent researching,” she says. Yet, she also faces skepticism, particularly from online commenters in the Chinese-speaking community who question her decision to raise children without a father. Cindy humorously reflects, “I used to think I would be worried about the trolls, but I developed a witty comeback, which allowed me to respond with a lighter spirit,” sharing the story of a child with two moms whose classmates envied her for having so many bedtime stories read to her.
Desi, at just a year and a half, could already articulate her origin story, noting, thanks to a book about IVF, that she was “a little pea formed from a sperm and an egg, placed in my mom’s belly.” Naturally inquisitive, Desi recently asked, “Mom, you say I’m special, but why do I have to be special? Why can’t I be like everyone else?”
In response, Cindy reassured her, “Everyone is special.” Regardless of Desi’s questions, Cindy emphasizes, “She was born into a loving environment. I wanted her so much. The future for our family holds endless possibilities. Here, she is so happy she doesn’t feel like she’s missing anything.” In the loving home that Cindy has created as a single mother, they find their completeness together.
